Current: Disintegration- The Cure
(I miss the kiss of treachery…)
Loud. Loud. Everything too loud.
I can’t concentrate.
I can’t control myself. But I have to keep on because there will be nothing for me to work with tomorrow.
But I can’t. Like I said. Too loud, too loud.
Even music is noise.
And I have not felt this in a long time (or maybe I have, I just suppressed it long enough(I’m just so much better at lying to myself now)), but what would be really good right now
is to cut.
I would like to kick my sister’s face.
And that stupid radio.
Just so they’d stop being noisy.
And this laptop.
And my goddamn brain.
And my foot itself for not being able to reach
To kick my head.
And all would go on but me
And it scares the shit out of me because I can’t stand it
I cannot act my age and be responsible.
Mercy of the universe, kill me now.
Or at least, summon a blade for me
And let me cut
Because I rediscovered how good it is
When my fingers felt them again on the mountainside
It was the single satisfying feeling that will be reachable now
Except that there is no clean blade
And whoever cuts unsanitized is stupid, says Era.
Or was it Sonmi.
I never forget her. Why?
Goodbye, 5 months of clearer skin
I can’t where short skirts again.
Please do not listen to me.
Self-inflicted wounds contaminates
People to own dishonorable words
No one will help you now.
But no one can hurt you too.
No think of Jayson, Jamie, Marlon
And everyone else you now care about
What would they say?
But when did you care about that?
Tomorrow is too long to wait for that fucking 5 peso blade.
I hate you.
I hate you, my dear.
Don’t ‘dear’ me, you hate me.
I hate you.
Go to sleep.
But the burning grasslands from your dream last night.
That is hell calling.